Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
