Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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