Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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