At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
