Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
