you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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