How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
