We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
