no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
