OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
