I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
