were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
