You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I am morally bankrupt
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
