I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
