explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
