you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
