girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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