she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
