I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
