I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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