life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
