Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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