end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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