come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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