I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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