We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
