i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
