I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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