He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
