he told me I talked like a deaf person
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
