There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
