I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
