my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
