I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
