You really coming over, don't trick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
