I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
