If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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