I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
