After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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