why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
