forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
