I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
