I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
