at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
