so let's talk penis.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
