I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
