I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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