a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
