While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
