I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
