Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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