She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
