I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
