My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
